Journey of My Soul

This is a part of my testimony that I wrote, back in 2006.


Hi everybody. I know this sounds strange coming from a bouncy person like me, but I have gone thru a great many periods of depression in my life. Of course, I understand that depression is not a stranger to any of us. I have found that it is in these hopeless, friendless, and seemingly Godless times in life that some of my greatest victories have been won. And it is also in these times that I have grown closest to the presence of my dear Savior.

This is a sort of testimony in prose that I wrote not long ago, while feeling that life was leaving me hanging, I guess. Perhaps you won't understand some of what Im trying to express, then again, maybe you've gone thru some of the same things. And beyond all that, please, if you're going to read it, read it to the end... because the beginning alone makes me seem gothic or something ;)

Journey of My Soul
by Angela Hoffman
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has placed eternity in the hearts of men." ~Ecclesiastes 3:11

Life is mediocre.
Everythings the same.
Struggle for survival.
All is vanity.
Mankind has been chasing power and wealth since the beginning of time,
like rats in an unending maze.
What can satisfy the aching emptiness in my heart?
Love will only fade. Success never lasts. Wealth doesnt bring happiness.
Every moment is predictable. Every day like the one before.
Why clean? It'll only get dirty again.
Why build? It'll only break down.
The Law of Entropy has already cast the dice - and won.
Is there no hope? Is there no reason for our existence? Can it really be that we are mere specks of dust in one of the millions of galaxies in the universe?
Are we simply products of matter + chance + time... great-grandchildren of mindless animals?And if thats true, do our lives really matter at all?
Why do good if itll never be remembered?Why live for anything but ourselves?
And what happens after this seemingly meaningless existence on earth comes to an end? Eternal: Blackness? Nothingness? Punishment? Bliss?
And do we choose our final destination, whatever it may be?
What are the answers to mankinds questions? Is there a purpose? a goal? a reason?
And is there a Hand that holds the key to unlock the secrets of the universe?


But wait...
What is that light on the horizon?
What is this warmth that floods my soul?
A Man, who says He loves me, and gave His life for mine.
He says He created me for a purpose, and I can live with Him forever.

But He says He's GOD. They say there is no God. They say a good God wouldn't allow such suffering on earth.
Who will I believe? The Man with the scars in His hands and the love in His eyes - or the voices I've believed all my life?
My mind is screaming, "This is crazy, irrational! He can't really be God, and He can't really love YOU!"
But something in my heart is drawn to Him. Something about the way He speaks that makes me believe that Hes' speaking Truth. Something about the way power emanates from His very being, yet He shows more gentleness and humility than a newborn lamb. And then it dawns on me - here is He whose hand holds the key to unlock the secrets of the universe... even to unlock the secrets of my own heart. This man sees into my soul, past all the filth and grime, and into the very depths, where no one has ever been.He sees it all - and says He still loves me. Says He loves me too much to leave me that way, so He took my filth on His own shoulders, and shed His precious blood so I could be clean. He put His life-giving power in me, so I can be free forever from the power of death.


What is this thats happened to me? I feel like a new person, not like the wandering soul I was before.
His grace worked a miracle in my heart. His love filled the emptiness that once consumed me. His light chased away my darkness and filled me with hope and peace. He replaced my questions with His answers.... and I'll never be the same again.

Who is this Man, you say? His Name is Jesus.
If you ever want to meet Him, just let me know. I'll introduce you.
Or you can just find Him for yourself.
But be careful: once you meet Him, you'll never be the same again.