Want to hear a confusing story? Good, 'cause I have one for ya.
My husband's in Virginia, my baby's in Houston, I'm in Dallas, my clothes are in a basement in Pennsylvania, and the rest of my stuff is in storage in East Texas. I guess if you would ask me where I'm from, I'd say Longview. Maybe. And, just to add a little more confusion to it all, John goes to LeTourneau, but he's in army training school, and I go to Southwestern online, but I'm taking an on-campus class.
Whenever someone asked me today where I was from and where I went to school, it took me a few minutes to form my answer. And the other day, while I was at Kohls shopping, I actually forgot what state I was in and actually had to look out the front door to gain my bearings.
I love this life. It does me good. Helps me clear my head and stretch my wings. I am blessed... beyond words. I have a chance to study at a good school, gaining Biblical knowledge and ministry training (one of my favorite things on earth to do) and a wonderful in-law family to keep my baby while I do it. Freedom is good, freedom is good ;) I miss my dear husby, but he also is getting the chance now to gain skills that he not only loves but will put to very good use on the mission field (helicopter repair, that is.) Thank you Lord, for this special season in life to work toward building your Kingdom in these unique ways. Train our hands for Your purposes. I love you, Angie
Monday, September 13, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Welcome to My Mess
"Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, For the help of His countenace."
Psalm 42:5
I am writing this post in an attempt at finding my way through the maze of thoughts, doubts, fears, and insecurities that have muddled my heart this past week. I've worked through most of it already, but writing this will help me tie up the loose ends. I don't know how it's going to turn out, or if anyone but me will be able to comprehend it, but I am willing to try. Sometimes writing is the only thing that sets me free, helps me sort out my life, and shows me the truth of what God is trying to tell me. Here goes.
I've been struggling with a lot of things lately. I don't know what you'd call it. Me, I call it a bunch of stuff piling on top of each other until it all just explodes. Being essentially a single parent and living husbandless in your parents basement with no money and barely any alone time can kind of just get to you after a while. But if I start using words like 'depression,' I run into trouble. Talking about depression, especially in Christian circles, is not terribly popular. People either think you don't have enough faith or that you're backsliding. Heavens. What I think we all need is a good dose of reality. No one is excepted from rough seasons in life. Paul said he was pressed, persecuted, and pressed down. Of course, he was using those descriptions of sufferings to testify of the goodness of God, but lets not miss the fact that he was downtrodden. Some Bible scholars say that Paul's 'thorn in the flesh' was that he struggled with what we today call clinical depression, because of his use of words like 'I despaired beyond life,' etc etc. That is only speculation of course, but the point is, sure, he could have been. Why not? God uses regular old people with some sometimes yucky problems. But that's exactly what makes Him look great.
My point? I am not afraid of saying I go through depression. Not afraid of it at all. I am not speaking it over my life (for all you name-it-claim-it people ;) I am just speaking facts. Truth: the joy of the Lord is my strength. Fact: I feel horrible. It's like a person with a broken leg saying 'It's not broken!' The fact is that it IS broken; the truth is that it's healed, even if that person hasn't experienced the fullness of it yet.
In all the seasons of depression I've gone though in my life, one thing has been able to reach through the pain and touch my heart. That thing is the book of Psalms. I was reminded just how repeatedly the Psalms have been my help by a post that Hannah Blanton wrote. She was sharing Psalm 42 and verse 3 caught my eye: 'My tears have been my food day and night.' True enough, said I. I began to think, what other thoughts from the Psalms could I use to describe how I feel?
'My heart pants, my strength fails me; as for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me. My loved ones and my friends stand aloof ffrom my plague, and my relatives stand afar off.' (38:10)
'For I am ready to fall, and my sorrow is continually before me. For I will declare my iniquity; I will be in anguish over my sin.' (38:17,18)
'...I am in trouble; my eye wastes away with grief, yes, my soul and my body, and my years with sighing, my strength fails because of my iniquity.' (31:9,10)
'I am weary with my groaning; all night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears. My eye wastes away because of grief...' (6:6,7)
'Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?' (43:2)
'My heart is severely pained within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling have come opon me and horror has overwhelmed me. So I said, 'Oh that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest.' (55:4-6)
I mean, seriously, there are even parts where David asked God straight up why He had forsaken him, why He did not answer the prayers of the righteous, and why God had cast him off! Had He? Of course not, but the truth to be gained here is that God was okay with David asking those kind of questions. God was not afraid of the stark honesty of what was going through David's heart. So I take it He's not afraid of mine. People may be, but God's not.
The good news here of course is that David didn't stop with these kind of thoughts. When he cried out to God, God answered him and saved him. I have no doubt that God will answer me when I cry out to Him, even if it sometimes takes a little longer than I'd like. And that's where I'm at right now. I know these feelings all too well, but I also know that there is a moment (hopefully right around the corner) when the sun will break through, joy will flood my heart, God's voice will once again begin to come through loud and clear. Sometimes He doesn't part the clouds right away on purpose. After all, if He did, when would we grow in faith?
I was right, writing about it did help me sort it out. (However, let me just say that talking to a VERY loving and understanding husband helps even more, thank you John ;) I want whoever reads this to know that I do not write this as a cry for help but as a cry of help, to anyone who has been in the place that I have been in. If my life and struggles can be of help to even one other person, I am willing to go through it all over again, as many times as I need to. Thank You, Jesus, for holding my hand, holding my heart, saving my soul, redeeming my mind, setting me free, and giving me more than enough grace to overcome any obstacle in life. You are so, so good to me.
I wrote a testimony about overcoming depression in one of my oldest posts, it's called 'Journey of My Soul,' in case anyone wants to read it. And one last thought, what I said about being a husbandless, moneyless, basement-bum single parent: I didn't mean it ;) I mean it when I'm down, but the reality of my situation is: I'M BLESSED. ;)
Psalm 42:5
I am writing this post in an attempt at finding my way through the maze of thoughts, doubts, fears, and insecurities that have muddled my heart this past week. I've worked through most of it already, but writing this will help me tie up the loose ends. I don't know how it's going to turn out, or if anyone but me will be able to comprehend it, but I am willing to try. Sometimes writing is the only thing that sets me free, helps me sort out my life, and shows me the truth of what God is trying to tell me. Here goes.
I've been struggling with a lot of things lately. I don't know what you'd call it. Me, I call it a bunch of stuff piling on top of each other until it all just explodes. Being essentially a single parent and living husbandless in your parents basement with no money and barely any alone time can kind of just get to you after a while. But if I start using words like 'depression,' I run into trouble. Talking about depression, especially in Christian circles, is not terribly popular. People either think you don't have enough faith or that you're backsliding. Heavens. What I think we all need is a good dose of reality. No one is excepted from rough seasons in life. Paul said he was pressed, persecuted, and pressed down. Of course, he was using those descriptions of sufferings to testify of the goodness of God, but lets not miss the fact that he was downtrodden. Some Bible scholars say that Paul's 'thorn in the flesh' was that he struggled with what we today call clinical depression, because of his use of words like 'I despaired beyond life,' etc etc. That is only speculation of course, but the point is, sure, he could have been. Why not? God uses regular old people with some sometimes yucky problems. But that's exactly what makes Him look great.
My point? I am not afraid of saying I go through depression. Not afraid of it at all. I am not speaking it over my life (for all you name-it-claim-it people ;) I am just speaking facts. Truth: the joy of the Lord is my strength. Fact: I feel horrible. It's like a person with a broken leg saying 'It's not broken!' The fact is that it IS broken; the truth is that it's healed, even if that person hasn't experienced the fullness of it yet.
In all the seasons of depression I've gone though in my life, one thing has been able to reach through the pain and touch my heart. That thing is the book of Psalms. I was reminded just how repeatedly the Psalms have been my help by a post that Hannah Blanton wrote. She was sharing Psalm 42 and verse 3 caught my eye: 'My tears have been my food day and night.' True enough, said I. I began to think, what other thoughts from the Psalms could I use to describe how I feel?
'My heart pants, my strength fails me; as for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me. My loved ones and my friends stand aloof ffrom my plague, and my relatives stand afar off.' (38:10)
'For I am ready to fall, and my sorrow is continually before me. For I will declare my iniquity; I will be in anguish over my sin.' (38:17,18)
'...I am in trouble; my eye wastes away with grief, yes, my soul and my body, and my years with sighing, my strength fails because of my iniquity.' (31:9,10)
'I am weary with my groaning; all night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears. My eye wastes away because of grief...' (6:6,7)
'Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?' (43:2)
'My heart is severely pained within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling have come opon me and horror has overwhelmed me. So I said, 'Oh that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest.' (55:4-6)
I mean, seriously, there are even parts where David asked God straight up why He had forsaken him, why He did not answer the prayers of the righteous, and why God had cast him off! Had He? Of course not, but the truth to be gained here is that God was okay with David asking those kind of questions. God was not afraid of the stark honesty of what was going through David's heart. So I take it He's not afraid of mine. People may be, but God's not.
The good news here of course is that David didn't stop with these kind of thoughts. When he cried out to God, God answered him and saved him. I have no doubt that God will answer me when I cry out to Him, even if it sometimes takes a little longer than I'd like. And that's where I'm at right now. I know these feelings all too well, but I also know that there is a moment (hopefully right around the corner) when the sun will break through, joy will flood my heart, God's voice will once again begin to come through loud and clear. Sometimes He doesn't part the clouds right away on purpose. After all, if He did, when would we grow in faith?
I was right, writing about it did help me sort it out. (However, let me just say that talking to a VERY loving and understanding husband helps even more, thank you John ;) I want whoever reads this to know that I do not write this as a cry for help but as a cry of help, to anyone who has been in the place that I have been in. If my life and struggles can be of help to even one other person, I am willing to go through it all over again, as many times as I need to. Thank You, Jesus, for holding my hand, holding my heart, saving my soul, redeeming my mind, setting me free, and giving me more than enough grace to overcome any obstacle in life. You are so, so good to me.
I wrote a testimony about overcoming depression in one of my oldest posts, it's called 'Journey of My Soul,' in case anyone wants to read it. And one last thought, what I said about being a husbandless, moneyless, basement-bum single parent: I didn't mean it ;) I mean it when I'm down, but the reality of my situation is: I'M BLESSED. ;)
Sunday, July 25, 2010
A Good Laugh
"If we are faithless, He remains faithful. He cannot deny Himself."
II Tim. 2:13
God and I laughed together today. I think I actually heard Him sitting in heaven, chuckling at me. I had been praying out loud while I was driving, and this is what I said: "God, I have faith in you." That's when I heard Him. His laugh said it all: "Well, you should! I never change; I'm always the same. I never fail! Never! I am ABLE! I am good, faithful, loving, forgiving. I have all power and all authority. I work miracles, answer prayer, speak things into existence, and I always, always follow through on My Word. Good thing you have faith in Me! I'm the only one in the universe that you can have faith in! In fact, I am the one who should be saying, 'I have faith in you!' "
Yeah, we laughed together at that. I thought about it and He's right. I am so fickle, so changing, emotional, moody, and faithless sometimes. God seems to never doubt me, or that I am able to do what He called me to do. So, if He never doubts me, why on earth should I doubt HIM? It made my cheeks flush to think about it ;)
II Tim. 2:13
God and I laughed together today. I think I actually heard Him sitting in heaven, chuckling at me. I had been praying out loud while I was driving, and this is what I said: "God, I have faith in you." That's when I heard Him. His laugh said it all: "Well, you should! I never change; I'm always the same. I never fail! Never! I am ABLE! I am good, faithful, loving, forgiving. I have all power and all authority. I work miracles, answer prayer, speak things into existence, and I always, always follow through on My Word. Good thing you have faith in Me! I'm the only one in the universe that you can have faith in! In fact, I am the one who should be saying, 'I have faith in you!' "
Yeah, we laughed together at that. I thought about it and He's right. I am so fickle, so changing, emotional, moody, and faithless sometimes. God seems to never doubt me, or that I am able to do what He called me to do. So, if He never doubts me, why on earth should I doubt HIM? It made my cheeks flush to think about it ;)
He is Good...
I'm not really sure what's been up with me lately, but things have been pretty hard. I guess in life sometimes, you might not even know what it is that's eating at you, but it becomes pretty clear when you blow up at innocent people over the tiniest random things. That's the story of my life lately. I don't know why I just shared that. I pray to God that whatever I go through, no matter how hard it is, that if I can use those trials to encourage at least one person, then it's all worth it.
There are millions of things I could have written this past week, things that have been going through my heart, and things that God has shown me. I feel bad that I haven't shared all of them, in the hopes that they might have encouraged someone, but the truth is that I really just needed time to process.
God is good. He always, always is. I never really understood what that meant until recently. I guess it was one of those things that I just grew up hearing and saying in church; I knew it was true, but never actually grasped what it meant. God is good. Good like chocolate ice cream on a hot summer day. Good like the sound of my sweet girl's giggles when I'm tickling her. Good like the strong, loving embrace of my husband after I haven't seen him for weeks on end. God is good. His goodness encompasses many of His attributes: He forgives, loves, has mercy, and shows compassion. He is the greatest lover you could ever imagine. He paints rainbows and sunsets into the sky to show us how much He loves us. I mean, do you hear what I'm saying: He is good. He's not angry. He doesn't hold grudges or get offended. He's not mean, He's not stern: He's purely, absolutely, thoroughly good.
Ah, it feels good to just think about it, to even believe for one second that that might actually be true: that the Almighty, Infinite God is good and not... mad. That He loves me and isn't tired of me. That He believes in me. That He is for me and not against me. When is the last time you allowed yourself to believe that? Are you like me and need to be reminded everyday, or are you confident like the Apostle John who believed in the love of God so thoroughly that he called himself the 'Beloved'? I want that kind of faith in the goodness and love of God.
There are millions of things I could have written this past week, things that have been going through my heart, and things that God has shown me. I feel bad that I haven't shared all of them, in the hopes that they might have encouraged someone, but the truth is that I really just needed time to process.
God is good. He always, always is. I never really understood what that meant until recently. I guess it was one of those things that I just grew up hearing and saying in church; I knew it was true, but never actually grasped what it meant. God is good. Good like chocolate ice cream on a hot summer day. Good like the sound of my sweet girl's giggles when I'm tickling her. Good like the strong, loving embrace of my husband after I haven't seen him for weeks on end. God is good. His goodness encompasses many of His attributes: He forgives, loves, has mercy, and shows compassion. He is the greatest lover you could ever imagine. He paints rainbows and sunsets into the sky to show us how much He loves us. I mean, do you hear what I'm saying: He is good. He's not angry. He doesn't hold grudges or get offended. He's not mean, He's not stern: He's purely, absolutely, thoroughly good.
Ah, it feels good to just think about it, to even believe for one second that that might actually be true: that the Almighty, Infinite God is good and not... mad. That He loves me and isn't tired of me. That He believes in me. That He is for me and not against me. When is the last time you allowed yourself to believe that? Are you like me and need to be reminded everyday, or are you confident like the Apostle John who believed in the love of God so thoroughly that he called himself the 'Beloved'? I want that kind of faith in the goodness and love of God.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Confession
I know that when I began blogging, I said I'd try to write everyday. (I knew that wouldn't happen, but it was an honest, good-intentioned goal!) The past few days I have just had so, so much running through my heart and mind that I knew it would take me hours to fish through it all enough to make sense of it and then blog about it. God is doing so much in my life and marriage, in this generation, and across the nation: sometimes I can only wrap my mind around it one small particle at a time. So, instead, I've just been shying away from the computer, waiting for the right moment to spill it all.
Just letting you know... ;)
Just letting you know... ;)
Sunday, July 18, 2010
To Clean or Not to Clean ;)
"but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
I Peter 3:4
I've still been mulling over the thought that someone asked me of how to get housework done when you plain just don't like to do it ;) Maybe someone reading this has an answer to this question: Where do you find motivation when you would just rather do something else?
I've come up with a few answers to that question myself. I think there are multiple answers, and the one that clicks for you probably just depends on your personality type. The truth is, unless you're a weirdo like me, you probably don't think of cooking, cleaning, organizing, or dishes as something to do for fun. Here are some of the things that I like to keep in mind that help me find satisfaction in caring for my home:
I like to think of the individual jobs around the house collectively. You know, not just piles of dishes and bags of garbage that need to be taken out, but as everything adding up to 'keeping a house.' Not only that, but keeping it as a gift for John. Does that make sense? I don't keep the house clean for myself, but for John, yes. It means more than we as women know to give our husbands the gift of a clean, peaceful, organized, warm, welcoming home to come home to at night. Even if we work fulltime out of the house as well, it still boils down to it being our jobs to keep a home for our husbands. That doesn't mean they can't share some of the load of the work, since we share the load of bringing in the paycheck, but we are still the only ones with the nesting instinct. (Yeah, I don't really like comparing myself to a bird either, but hey, that's the best way to describe it in English ;) Both my husband and my dad, in multiple conversations I've had with each of them, have pressed the thought of how much it means to them when we work so hard to give them a peaceful home.
Talking about Love Languages, I think each gender might be a little more prone to certain ones, and I think for men, acts of service are a real winner. If all I do all day is take care of his baby, wash his clothes, and cook his dinner, I am the best and most beautiful woman in the world! Not that he doesn't also need words of affirmation and all those other love languages, but I'm just saying: there's something about it that really means a lot. There are some things in life that God just straight-up ordained to be a certain way, and a woman caring for her husband's house and children is just one of them. I'm sure there are exceptions, but I'm just sharing my heart here.
Beyond all that, something else my mom told me is to live as though you are preparing for Jesus to be a guest in your home. I like that. Makes me feel as if my life, my home, has some dignity. If the Lord Himself would take the time to come and visit me, of course I would want to please Him. And we all the truth is that He is here. All the time.
I know this post might seem like a bunch of mismatched thoughts somehow strung together, but here's another one ;) For many years, I felt as though housework was something I just had to get done and out of the way so that I could get on to the important things in my life. Am I the only one that feels that way? I almost felt guilty, like I should be on a mission trip somewhere, or out working and making money with a real job, or you know, just something more important than washing underwear. I was trying to think what it was exactly that changed my thought process about it all, and I think part of it was Alivia. Housework isn't an option anymore. John would still love me even if the house was a mess, and we could both live there whether or not we had to step over piles on the floor. Alivia, on the other hand, can't. She deserves to live in a home that is not only safe for her little hands, but that is organized enough to allow her to find the toys and whatever else she needs to have a happy little life. I was blessed enough to have one of the happiest childhood's I think a child could ever have, and I feel very strongly that I have the responsiblity to give the same thing to her. And now, instead of cleaning because I have to, I am creating a better, safer, happier life for the most precious girl I could ever imagine having.
Ok, please just let me add one more thought to this looong post ;) My personal belief is that the environment that we live in directly reflects the environment of our hearts and of our minds. I have noticed that in the days/months/years/seasons of my life that I have felt crazy busy, out of control, or far from the Lord, my home/car/room (even purse!) suffered from severe negligence. Maybe you are different. But for me, if you walk into my bedroom and find the bed made, windows open blowing fresh air into the house, and the laundry is done and put away, then you can bet a million bucks that I also spent a good amount of time with the Lord that day. You can bet that I spent time in prayer, in organizing my thoughts, and in thinking of others instead of my own issues. When my life is organized, so is my mind, and I find I spend a lot less time getting emotional and whining at John or fussing to God over little things. I know it seems overly simplistic, but it's the God made us. The two (practical organization and spiritual organization) go hand-in-hand.)
Here I go again recommending books: "More Hours In My Day," by Emilie Barnes. She shares some really, really good ideas about how to actually create time and money by living in an organized way. She's really creative and makes organizing your life fun. One of the most imporant things I took away from the book was that of having a gentle and quiet spirit. She said everyday, no matter how hellish her own day with the kids was, she made it a point to run up to her husband when he got home and hug his neck, ask him about his day, and let him have some regroup time. Again, it changed my life.
Love you all...
I Peter 3:4
I've still been mulling over the thought that someone asked me of how to get housework done when you plain just don't like to do it ;) Maybe someone reading this has an answer to this question: Where do you find motivation when you would just rather do something else?
I've come up with a few answers to that question myself. I think there are multiple answers, and the one that clicks for you probably just depends on your personality type. The truth is, unless you're a weirdo like me, you probably don't think of cooking, cleaning, organizing, or dishes as something to do for fun. Here are some of the things that I like to keep in mind that help me find satisfaction in caring for my home:
I like to think of the individual jobs around the house collectively. You know, not just piles of dishes and bags of garbage that need to be taken out, but as everything adding up to 'keeping a house.' Not only that, but keeping it as a gift for John. Does that make sense? I don't keep the house clean for myself, but for John, yes. It means more than we as women know to give our husbands the gift of a clean, peaceful, organized, warm, welcoming home to come home to at night. Even if we work fulltime out of the house as well, it still boils down to it being our jobs to keep a home for our husbands. That doesn't mean they can't share some of the load of the work, since we share the load of bringing in the paycheck, but we are still the only ones with the nesting instinct. (Yeah, I don't really like comparing myself to a bird either, but hey, that's the best way to describe it in English ;) Both my husband and my dad, in multiple conversations I've had with each of them, have pressed the thought of how much it means to them when we work so hard to give them a peaceful home.
Talking about Love Languages, I think each gender might be a little more prone to certain ones, and I think for men, acts of service are a real winner. If all I do all day is take care of his baby, wash his clothes, and cook his dinner, I am the best and most beautiful woman in the world! Not that he doesn't also need words of affirmation and all those other love languages, but I'm just saying: there's something about it that really means a lot. There are some things in life that God just straight-up ordained to be a certain way, and a woman caring for her husband's house and children is just one of them. I'm sure there are exceptions, but I'm just sharing my heart here.
Beyond all that, something else my mom told me is to live as though you are preparing for Jesus to be a guest in your home. I like that. Makes me feel as if my life, my home, has some dignity. If the Lord Himself would take the time to come and visit me, of course I would want to please Him. And we all the truth is that He is here. All the time.
I know this post might seem like a bunch of mismatched thoughts somehow strung together, but here's another one ;) For many years, I felt as though housework was something I just had to get done and out of the way so that I could get on to the important things in my life. Am I the only one that feels that way? I almost felt guilty, like I should be on a mission trip somewhere, or out working and making money with a real job, or you know, just something more important than washing underwear. I was trying to think what it was exactly that changed my thought process about it all, and I think part of it was Alivia. Housework isn't an option anymore. John would still love me even if the house was a mess, and we could both live there whether or not we had to step over piles on the floor. Alivia, on the other hand, can't. She deserves to live in a home that is not only safe for her little hands, but that is organized enough to allow her to find the toys and whatever else she needs to have a happy little life. I was blessed enough to have one of the happiest childhood's I think a child could ever have, and I feel very strongly that I have the responsiblity to give the same thing to her. And now, instead of cleaning because I have to, I am creating a better, safer, happier life for the most precious girl I could ever imagine having.
Ok, please just let me add one more thought to this looong post ;) My personal belief is that the environment that we live in directly reflects the environment of our hearts and of our minds. I have noticed that in the days/months/years/seasons of my life that I have felt crazy busy, out of control, or far from the Lord, my home/car/room (even purse!) suffered from severe negligence. Maybe you are different. But for me, if you walk into my bedroom and find the bed made, windows open blowing fresh air into the house, and the laundry is done and put away, then you can bet a million bucks that I also spent a good amount of time with the Lord that day. You can bet that I spent time in prayer, in organizing my thoughts, and in thinking of others instead of my own issues. When my life is organized, so is my mind, and I find I spend a lot less time getting emotional and whining at John or fussing to God over little things. I know it seems overly simplistic, but it's the God made us. The two (practical organization and spiritual organization) go hand-in-hand.)
Here I go again recommending books: "More Hours In My Day," by Emilie Barnes. She shares some really, really good ideas about how to actually create time and money by living in an organized way. She's really creative and makes organizing your life fun. One of the most imporant things I took away from the book was that of having a gentle and quiet spirit. She said everyday, no matter how hellish her own day with the kids was, she made it a point to run up to her husband when he got home and hug his neck, ask him about his day, and let him have some regroup time. Again, it changed my life.
Love you all...
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Are You Stressed... or Are You Loved?
"Mary has chosen what is best and it will not be taken away from her."
Luke 10:42
Originally, I told [you] Alicia that I would write a little something about taking care of our homes/families. I've been trying to think of something inspirational to say on the subject for the past few days, but I've been coming up dry! When I think about such things as housework, or really any kind of work at all, I feel a certain... guilty feeling, I guess you'd say. Not always, but sometimes. Used to be, in the past, that I would hide myself in a certain 'Martha' costume and plod along feeling like at least in my work could I find some sort of identity and worth in life. I always knew though, deep down, that what I was really doing was hiding... hiding from the kind of one-on-one, deep intimacy and relationship with the Lord that I was really made for. "The better part"... that's what Jesus said. That's who I wanted to be. The woman that would sit at His feet for hours and never once worry about who would be making the next meal, or how I could ever possibly get everything done in my life. Once, while I was in Bible school, I even wrote "MARY" on the back of my hand, so I would remember every time I saw it to take a moment to focus on becoming more like her.
Not that that's a bad thing. That's exactly what someone with my personality needs: to just lay everything aside now and then and focus on relationships, especially the one that I have with my Savior.
But I've come to realize something. Just because that is the better part, doesn't mean it's the only part. This is real life, people. We have husbands and children, mouths to feed, dishes to wash, and laundry to do. (That is NOT an extensive list, by the way!) Does God expect me to feel guilty for every second of my day that is not spent in my room on the floor with worship music playing in the background? Heavens no! This is a God of grace that we're talking about, after all. He remembers that we are dust. All He asks is that the things of this earth would not consume our hearts, drawing us away from our first love. He wants to be the center of our attention and the focus of our love. Is that so much to ask?
And so I've learned. Learned to love the moments of laying it all aside, shutting off the noise, and just loving Him. And I've also learned how to truly love, and not feel tied to, the things that really do need my attention. Work can be worship too. When done from a heart of gratitude, caring for our homes and children shows the Lord how much we value all that He has done for us and all that He has given us.
If anyone's interested, there's a book on this subject that changed my life: "Having a Mary Heart In a Martha World."
"Mary has chosen what is best and it will not be taken away from her."
Luke 10:42
Originally, I told [you] Alicia that I would write a little something about taking care of our homes/families. I've been trying to think of something inspirational to say on the subject for the past few days, but I've been coming up dry! When I think about such things as housework, or really any kind of work at all, I feel a certain... guilty feeling, I guess you'd say. Not always, but sometimes. Used to be, in the past, that I would hide myself in a certain 'Martha' costume and plod along feeling like at least in my work could I find some sort of identity and worth in life. I always knew though, deep down, that what I was really doing was hiding... hiding from the kind of one-on-one, deep intimacy and relationship with the Lord that I was really made for. "The better part"... that's what Jesus said. That's who I wanted to be. The woman that would sit at His feet for hours and never once worry about who would be making the next meal, or how I could ever possibly get everything done in my life. Once, while I was in Bible school, I even wrote "MARY" on the back of my hand, so I would remember every time I saw it to take a moment to focus on becoming more like her.
Not that that's a bad thing. That's exactly what someone with my personality needs: to just lay everything aside now and then and focus on relationships, especially the one that I have with my Savior.
But I've come to realize something. Just because that is the better part, doesn't mean it's the only part. This is real life, people. We have husbands and children, mouths to feed, dishes to wash, and laundry to do. (That is NOT an extensive list, by the way!) Does God expect me to feel guilty for every second of my day that is not spent in my room on the floor with worship music playing in the background? Heavens no! This is a God of grace that we're talking about, after all. He remembers that we are dust. All He asks is that the things of this earth would not consume our hearts, drawing us away from our first love. He wants to be the center of our attention and the focus of our love. Is that so much to ask?
And so I've learned. Learned to love the moments of laying it all aside, shutting off the noise, and just loving Him. And I've also learned how to truly love, and not feel tied to, the things that really do need my attention. Work can be worship too. When done from a heart of gratitude, caring for our homes and children shows the Lord how much we value all that He has done for us and all that He has given us.
If anyone's interested, there's a book on this subject that changed my life: "Having a Mary Heart In a Martha World."
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